Remembered Tomorrows
by Sundowhn
Summary: This story is set in the Age of Apocalypse universe approximately 7-8 years ago, with Kurt Darkholme as the central character. It is predominantly the story of what happened to his wife, but his relationship with Mystique and Iceman both feature in it as well.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: The characters and scenarios are the property of Marvel. I do not own the X-Men and I make nothing from this. _

_The story is set in the AoA universe approximately 7-8 years ago. As always, thanks to Marg and Karl for your preview of the story and insight._

* * *

_Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow,_

_Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,_

_To the last syllable of recorded time;_

_And all our yesterdays have lighted fools_

_The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!_

_Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player,_

_That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,_

_And then is heard no more. It is a tale_

_Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,_

_Signifying nothing._

_ -William Shakespeare_

_**Chapter One**_

"Hey, Earth to Kurt..." Linda snapped her fingers in front of Kurt's face, breaking him out of his reverie.

"Hmm? _Ach_, I'm sorry_ Liebling_, I vas miles avay." He smile apologetically at his wife who had apparently been speaking to him at some length.

She grinned, leaning over the back of his chair to kiss the sensitive spot behind his ear. "Don't worry, I'm used to it by now. So what's got you so distracted tonight?" She circled the chair and flopped herself into his lap, draping an arm around his neck.

He slid his arms around her, savoring the smell of her freshly washed hair, still damp from the shower. "Just vork, nothing special," he lied, closing the subject with a lingering kiss.

Kurt had become adept at avoiding her questions in the two years they'd been together. He hadn't intended for things to be this way. In the beginning, he'd wanted to tell her the truth - all of it. He'd wanted there to be no secrets between them, having grown up in the shadow of his mother's evasiveness. But in the end, the apple just doesn't fall far from the tree, as the saying went.

Linda - formerly Dabrowski, but now Linda Darkholme for just over a year - was a receptionist for a successful law firm in Washington DC. They took to trial some of the more notorious captured war criminals from the time of Apocalypse's reign. That was how Kurt had met her.

In the years since the fall of Apocalypse, Erik Lehnsherr, the X-Men's founding father, had turned his formerly outcast band of mutants into world-wide heroes, charged with the apprehension of rogue mutants who had been employed by Apocalypse during the war, as well as actively helping to rebuild North America. It was a very publicly celebrated role, and the X-Men were touted as the protectors of humankind. Kurt found that he enjoyed the image of that role, and when he'd met a lovely young woman who looked at him with stars in her eyes, rather than the fear or disgust he was most accustomed to from humans, he was more than flattered. He'd asked her out the same day, and they'd been together ever since.

The thing was, he _knew_ he wasn't the noble hero that the world seemed to believe him to be. For every renegade brought to justice, there were others he was assigned to dispatch in a more permanent way. That, and the gathering of information, had been his job since joining the X-Men some twelve years ago, as it had been his mother's job before him. He was a Darkholme.

Kurt sighed to himself. He didn't want to be that man. He wanted to be the man Linda saw. He wanted this life, in all its normal, everyday beauty. He wanted a wife to come home to, and perhaps children one day, once the world had healed itself. So, that was the man he was when he was with her. In her presence, his unpredictable temper and cynicism made no appearance - he wouldn't allow it to. With her by his side, smiling came easier, though tonight, after receiving a call from Erik, it was a struggle.

He would never tell her about the shadowed hovels and nights of blood because he couldn't bear to imagine the horror that would fill her eyes. How would she feel if she knew the man she slept next to was no different in his methods than the men she sent to prison for life sentences? No, it was better this way. What he did was necessary. There were some villains that the legal system had no way to contain, that were too dangerous to be allowed to live. Someone had to ensure these people hurt no one further, and he was the man that did so. A vision of his mother's knowing smile filled his mind.

Linda broke off the kiss. "Mmm, that's more like it. So what sounds good for dinner? We've got frozen lasagna or I could order Chinese."

"Chinese."

"Gotcha."

Kurt flipped on the evening news after she got up to make the call, and thought about how lucky they were. This area, as one of political importance, had been among the first to be rebuilt and purged of contamination after the war. He should know, he and the rest of the X-Men helped do it. New York was another place that had received almost immediate attention, and the X-Men continued to have their base in Westchester. There were plenty of other places around North America that weren't so lucky, though. The death count in the Midwest was still rising from fallout related illness, New Mexico was a dead zone, as was most of Arizona. Advances had been made in water filtration, but drinking water was still sold at exorbitant prices, and food had to either be imported from overseas or raised in self-contained food centers situated in Canada. So much of the U.S. was filled with shanty towns where starvation and disease were rampant, and Kurt didn't see improvement on the horizon in the near future. Disgusted by the footage, he flipped the television back off and wandered into the kitchen.

"I got a call from Erik vhile you vere at vork. I need to head out again tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Linda asked in irritation. "You just _got _here a couple of days ago."

Kurt spent his time divided between the base, travel and Linda's apartment, never remaining anywhere for long.

He kissed the back of her neck. "Ja, I know, but duty calls. It's vhat you get for being married to an X-Man."

"I guess. Where to now?"

"I'm not sure yet. I have to return to the base for a briefing."

"Ugh, that sounds like some kind of James Bond movie - _briefing_. Why not just say you're suppose to hook up with your pals and make plans?" She grinned over her shoulder at him. Her teasing was nothing new.

"_Ach_, I'm vounded! Und here I thought such talk impressed you." He tried to join in her good humor.

"Impressed by shop talk? No way. What will impress me is if you actually wash dishes when it's your turn."

"_Ja, ja_. Dishvasher - it's all I'm good for to you."

"Oh, I can think of a few other things." Linda winked, a wicked smile on her face.

"If I'm a good boy und vash dishes do you promise to show me later?"

"Most assuredly, Mr. Darkholme."

"I can't vait, Mrs. Darkholme." They enjoyed another drawn out kiss and Kurt banished the earlier misgivings from his mind for the night. One day he _would_ be the man Linda saw in truth.

* * *

_Several days later_

_CRACK_

Kurt's armored wristband connected with the woman's jaw again, splattering droplets of blood across the room.

"Tell me vhere they vent!" He leaned down close to the cowering prostitute, his lips drawn back into a snarl.

He'd tracked Pyro and Blob as far as Mexico city, but their trail had ended here in this shoddy den of debauchery. The patrons of the small gambling establishment had quickly and silently left when Kurt arrived. He visually marked them and would find them later, if needed. This woman, as the manager, should be able to tell him what he wanted to know.

"You can make this as easy or as difficult as you like, Frau." He had his tail wrapped around her neck, tight enough to make swallowing difficult, but not yet enough to hinder her breathing. He slipped a dagger from his waistband and made a show of examining the blade for imperfections.

He continued in a pleasant, conversational tone, "I understand. Perhaps you meet many people, _ja_? Is that vhat you vere going to tell me next?"

She eyed the blade, her hands ineffectually trying to loosen his tail. She was no more than twenty-five, but disease and years of hardship made her appear closer to middle age. "Look mister, I already told you, I ain't seen nobody like that here." Kurt's tail tightened almost imperceptibly, and her struggles intensified. "I'm telling the truth!" Her words came out strangled.

"I think not. I think you are lying." He moved the blade to rest just underneath her eye. The woman shuddered and Kurt could smell it when her bladder loosened. He pushed his face within a few inches of her own, capturing and holding her gaze with his baleful crimson eyes, a tactic that invariably worked on most people.

His voice dropped to a whisper. "You can't possibly have missed them. One is a hulking mass of lard, too heavy to even sit in a chair vithout collapsing it. The other is a thin, blonde man - likes to play with fire. You might've experienced some scorched property during his stay."

Tears leaked from her eyes. "Please...you don't understand. They got friends here, if I talk to you, I'm a dead woman."

Kurt smiled thinly. "Correction, if you _don't_ talk to me, you're a dead voman."

Her shoulders shook with silent sobs as she muttered a prayer in Spanish. _"Por favor..."_

He watched a tiny stream of blood mingle with her tears as he pressed the knife ever so slightly into her skin. _"Por favor!" _She shrieked. "I'll tell you what you want to know, just stop!"

Kurt eased the pressure from the blade and waited.

"They talked about Brazil!" Her breathing came in quick gasps. "They were gonna meet some people in Brazil, that's all I know, I swear!"

"_Sehr gut, Liebling_, it seems you vill live another day." Abruptly he rose, releasing his hold on her throat and replacing his dagger. Without sparing a backwards glance, he added, "you'll be happy to know you've helped humanity tonight." The only reply was that of soft sobs following him as he stepped into the night.

The narrow alleyway was filthy and looked deserted, but his sharp ears picked up the faint sound of voices from nearby. _"El Diablo..."_ He smiled grimly. Being called a devil had lost its sting long ago. He disappeared in a cloud of sulfurous smoke, reappearing a few miles away in his lavish hotel suite housed in an elite section of the city. Being an X-Man had its perks.

Kurt divested himself of his uniform and compulsively washed his hands, scrubbing them fiercely, even though he'd been wearing gloves. Only when he was satisfied that they were clean did he return to the sitting room and pick up the telephone. It was 10:30pm here, so that made it 11:30 in D.C. - Linda might still be up, but even if she wasn't, he would call. She worried if he didn't. She picked up on the third ring.

"Hello?"

His wife's sleepy voice warmed something inside him. "_Schatz_, did I vake you?"

"Mm...only a little." He could hear her yawn. "Where are you?"

"Anchorage, for another veek or so." The lie came easily.

"What are you doing up there, saving the world from rampaging moose? Or should it be 'meese'?" She giggled.

"_Ja_, vicious herd animals are a going concern here."

"I'll bet. So are you behaving yourself, or are you charming all the local girls?"

"You know me, _Liebling_, I'm irresistible." His mind flickered back to the dank bar room and the cowering woman he left there.

"Believe me, I know."

"Did you go to Pam und Phillip's little soirée?" Kurt asked, changing the subject.

"Yeah, it was predictably posh, but everyone missed you."

"Next time, perhaps."

"Are you coming home after Anchorage?"

"_Ja_, I hope so. If nothing else, I'll stop in on my vay back to the base."

Annoyance crept into her voice. "Only if you can squeeze me into your busy schedule."

_"Liebling..."_

"Sorry, babe, I'm just tired, and missing you."

"I miss you, too. I vill see you soon, I promise, but for now, you need your sleep."

She yawned again. "Yeah. Take care of yourself. I love you."

"I love you, too." The line went dead as she hung up the phone. He dropped the receiver back in the cradle and ran his hand through his hair, sighing.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Chapter Two**_

By late the next day, Kurt was ensconced in a discreet location in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, where he was met by Bobby Drake, more publicly known as 'Iceman'.

If Kurt managed to find them, Blob and Pyro would be a challenge to take out. If the two were meeting friends, his odds were even worse, so he'd decided to err on the side of caution and telephoned his teammate and friend for back-up.

"So, what's the deal with Lardo and Sparky - do you think she was telling the truth?" Bobby leaned back in his chair, balancing it on the back two legs as he drank a beer.

"_Ja_, I'd say she vas persuaded to be honest. I questioned another of the patrons this morning, just to be sure. He gave the same information, now it's just a matter of finding them here."

"How hard can Blob be to miss? He's like the size of a truck, man."

Kurt chuckled. "True enough."

"We going hunting tonight, or do you need your beauty sleep?"

"I'm ready to get this done and go home, just let me eat first. Linda's getting testy about my vork schedule lately." He dug into his pre-fab meal with gusto.

"See, that's one of the many reasons I'm not married. Where does she think you are this time?"

Kurt peered at his friend over the top of his beer before answering, "Alaska."

"Alaska?! Couldn't you come up with anything better than that?" Bobby snickered. "What the hell does she think you're doing up there?"

Shrugging uncomfortably, Kurt replied, "I don't know, I might have mentioned something about helping some locals."

Bobby raised an eyebrow. "Your divorce, dude."

"Vhat? I should tell her I've been roughing up whores in Mexico to find out vhere two mass murderers have gone so I can kill them? Be serious!" Kurt's tail lashed behind him in irritation; he felt guilty enough about it without this from Bobby.

"Linda's a smart girl, do you really think she buys all that guff they showed about you on _'Behind the Heroes'_? She's your wife, she's gotta know you better than that, by now."

"Ja, vell she knows vhat the X-Men do."

"But you don't tell her what _you_ do."

Kurt was getting angry now. "Just vhat vould you like me to say to her? 'Liebling, I know you think I'm a hero, but in reality I'm one of Erik's private assassins'. Can't you just imagine the conversation?" He shoved the remainder of his dinner roughly away. "Someday soon, ve vill have finished this, und I can be just a regular team member. Until then, vhat she doesn't know von't hurt her."

It was obvious that Bobby had pushed his temperamental friend as far as he should. He held his hands up in mock surrender. "Okay, Kurt, okay...don't get your back up. I was just running my mouth, like always."

Kurt continued to glare at him from across the table. "_Ja_, vell vhen I vant relationship advice you're the _last_ person I vill go to."

"Fair enough. My track record speaks for itself. Speaking of which, what say we find a couple of señoritas when we're done here, just like old times?"

"I'm married."

Bobby rolled his eyes. "Married, not gelded, or is that a part of wedded bliss that nobody told me about?"

Leaning back with his arms crossed, Kurt started to relax at his friend's bantering tone. "There are perks to make up for lack of variety."

"Yeah...I really don't wanna know. T.M.I. and all that."

Kurt chuckled. "Abby vas asking about you again."

"Yeah? The hot blonde that works with Linda?"

"That's the one."

Bobby grinned lecherously. "Guess she didn't mind a bit of frostbite."

"Apparently not. You should come back vith me vhen ve're done here. Besides, Linda says you're the only one who appreciates her cooking."

"That's because I'm nice. Your wife can't cook for shit, you know that, right?"

"_Ja_."

"Got Tums on hand?"

"Alvays."

"I'm in. Couch city, here I come."

Kurt and Bobby had been close friends for years. In many ways, they were a study of opposites. Bobby's irreverent, lackadaisical and playful personality off-set Kurt's more pragmatic, cynical and sometimes volatile disposition. They worked well together, and there were few people Kurt could relax around as he could with Bobby.

"So let's catch us some bad guys. I got dibs on Sparky." Bobby stood and headed to the door.

"Try and be unobtrusive this time, _ja_?"

"'Unobtrusive' is my middle name."

"I thought it vas 'King of Love'"

"That too."

An hour later found them in the swanky underbelly of Rio's night life.

South America, as a whole, had been largely spared the bulk of decimation experienced by most of the rest of the world. As a result, it's population had sky-rocketed, and it was an industrial favorite. Brazil, especially, was a hub of commerce and wealth in the western world.

The bars and clubs in this part of town remained open twenty-four hours a day, and they were filled to overflowing with people from all walks of life, most who preferred anonymity. Bobby, in the standard tourist uniform of khaki shorts and a knit shirt, fit right in, but Kurt kept to the shadows. He didn't want their quarry to be alerted in time to make an escape.

Raising his voice to make himself heard over the driving music and din of conversation, Kurt called out, "I'm going to the rooftops, key the commlink if you see them before I do."

Bobby nodded and continued to meander through the crowd.

Kurt sighed in relief once he was out of the chaos below. He absolutely detested crowds. The feel of so many people touching and brushing against him was suffocating to a man who'd grown up in near isolation. He loosened his collar and breathed in the night air, scouting the milling crowds. Nothing. Kurt moved to a rooftop further down and continued to peruse the masses on the street.

_Ah ha! _There was Pyro, and while there was no sign of Fred Dukes with him, if Kurt's eyes weren't deceiving him, that was Jon Bloom down there, better known as 'Avalanche'. That was yet another one Kurt could strike from his list, if things went well. He keyed the communicator to alert Bobby, then waited.

There was really no question of the outcome. They had the element of surprise, and Kurt wasn't the kind of man to let that go to waste.

It wasn't long before Allerdyce and Bloom made the fatal mistake of moving to a less populated area. While Bobby moved in from the streets, Kurt teleported to his chosen prey from above, landing neatly on Bloom's shoulders and driving him to the ground with the sudden extra weight.

"_Guten Abend mein Herr! _Say goodbye to your little firefly friend!" With that, Kurt teleported away again, taking Bloom's head with him. The look of startled horror was now permanent. Bloom's body wavered uncertainly for a few moments before collapsing at Pyro's feet.

"The hell...?!" Pyro screeched, readying a burst of flame and searching the darkness for his friend's assailant.

Bobby tapped him on the shoulder. "Over here, Sparky." He encased Pyro's hand in ice, dousing the flames and following with a frost-encrusted left hook, snapping the other man's jaw with a pop. Pyro tried to set the tarmac underneath them alight, but it was too little, too late. The flames sputtered and went out.

Allerdyce writhed in pain as Bobby knelt down, smiling. "Now I'm going to freeze your brain. Feels kinda like eating ice cream too fast, but a lot worse, or so I'm told." He winked. It took no more than a matter of seconds to accomplish, and Pyro's skull cracked outward like an exploding melon from the internal pressure.

Kurt watched from a short distance away. He was still holding Bloom's head, and blood dripped from his elbows. He looked at the face, mouth still wide in a silent scream. "Just vasn't your night, vas it Jon?"

It was a no fuss hit - just the way Kurt liked them. They dumped the bodies with little fanfare and decided to call it a night.

"Shall ve continue after Dukes tomorrow, _mein Freund_?"

"Nah, that Delores chick I talked to said he kept moving. Got into some kinda trouble and bailed on Allerdyce and Bloom."

"Did she say vhere?"

"Nope."

_"Verdammt!"_

"Don't worry, we'll get him. You know he'll turn up again."

_"Ja."_

After another day of Kurt's doggedly determined, but ultimately unsuccessful searching, they gave up and caught a flight back home.

* * *

"Hey!" Linda's face lit up at the unexpected sight of her husband sitting in the living room when she walked in. "I didn't know you were coming home already! And you brought Bobby!"

Kurt greeted her with an embrace and a tender kiss. "I vanted to surprise you."

She grinned from within the circle of his arms. "Well, you did. Long time, no see Bobby!"

"Lin! What's shakin' babe?"

"Not much. Abby'll be glad you're in town."

Bobby waggled his eyebrows suggestively. "And I'm glad to be in town."

"You know, I really should warn her about you."

"Me? What's there to warn her about?"

Linda shook her head and chuckled. "Never mind. Are you boys done saving the world for now?"

"_Ja_, at least for a few days." Kurt nuzzled her neck, wrapping his tail around her calf.

"PDA man, PDA - very unwanted public displays of affection."

"Can it Bobby, this boy's mine for the next few days. And this isn't public, this is my living room." Linda quipped.

"Yeah, well, do I need to talk a walk or something?"

Kurt contemplated Bobby's suggestion. "Vould you? OW! Vhy did you hit me?" He smiled down at his wife.

"Don't be rude, you can wait mister."

"_Ja, ja_...alvays vith the vaiting."

Linda laughed. "Aw, poor neglected baby. Are you guys hungry? I can make that stew you liked so much, Bobby. I think I have the stuff for it here."

Bobby and Kurt exchanged looks.

"_Liebling_, vhy don't you call Abby, und see if she vants to meet us in town for dinner?"

"Okay, sure. I'll make it for you tomorrow, then." Linda smiled brightly in Bobby's direction.

Kurt hid a smile at the look on Bobby's face.

After dinner at one of the more upscale restaurants in town, the four of them decided to go to a popular night club. The other three were talking animatedly amongst themselves, and Kurt sat back, listening with a smile on his face. His wife really was one in a million, and he told her so after Bobby pulled his date up for a dance.

Linda smiled, kissing the palm of his hand. "What brings that on?"

"Nothing in particular. I vas just thinking how lucky I am."

She leaned over to kiss him. "You're a charmer, is what you are."

"Ja?"

"Yep. So does that mean you missed me?"

"I alvays do." He pulled her closer in the booth so he could drape his arm across her shoulders.

She snuggled into the crook of his arm. "So whatever happened in Anchorage must have gotten bad, if you had to call Bobby in."

"Nothing ve couldn't handle, und nothing to vorry about."

She looked up at him, her expression unreadable. "Would you tell me if it were?"

"_Ja_, of course." It felt like something gripped his heart and squeezed as he gazed into her trusting brown eyes.

"What is it, what's wrong?" She smiled, brushing her fingers over the tattoo on his face.

He looked at her for a long moment before replying. "Nothing. Nothing's wrong, _Schatz_, I'm just tired." He glanced away, looking down at her hand on his arm, the wedding band glinting in the low light.

"If you were tired, why didn't you say so? We could've stayed home."

He smiled. "It's all right, besides, Bobby vould've driven us both crazy vith his boredom."

"Speak of the devil, here he comes..."

"Are we interrupting you two lovebirds?" Bobby flopped back down into the booth opposite, pulling Abby with him.

"_Nein_, not really."

"Hey, Kurt, how come you're not asking this pretty lady of yours to dance?"

Linda snickered. "Him? _Dance? _I thought you'd known him practically forever, surely you know he has two left feet._"_

"Yeah, I know. Fred Estaire he ain't." Bobby grinned. "I was kinda figuring you might've worked on that."

"You can only help those that want to be helped." She playfully nudged her husband in the ribs.

Kurt shrugged, smiling. "I just have no talent for it, I'm sorry _Liebling_. If you vant a dance, you'll have to settle for frozen toes rather than smashed ones."

"There's my cue. C'mon gorgeous, let's make your old man jealous with our awe-inspiring moves on the dance floor." Bobby took a giggling Linda by the hand and pulled her up.

Kurt flagged the waitress down for a refill and watched his wife as the two walked away. It never ceased to amaze him that she was his - that of all men, she'd chosen to love _him_. Her mischievous eyes and wide smile had captivated him from the first moment he'd laid eyes on her. Her effervescent personality had sealed the deal. He knew he was in love by the end of second date. He knew he wanted to marry her by the end of the week.

She made him forget the grim past and the pain of it. With her, he remembered that there was more to life than struggle and hardship. Linda made him look to the future and see something good in it, for the first time since he'd buried his boy-self that night in the shade of a Hawthorne tree in Germany, in the wake of blood and flames.

He'd do anything to ensure the safety of that future, even if it meant killing. Was she not worth it? When this was over, and the threat was removed - then he could be the man reflected in her eyes.

* * *

Out amidst the crowd of other dancers, Bobby and Linda kept up an easy banter.

"So, Bobby, have you been making sure Kurt behaved, or leading him into temptation?" She grinned, mischief sparkling in her eyes.

"Leading him into temptation? What am I, Satan?" Bobby chortled.

"Nope, just a horrible flirt with an eye for trouble - something my husband once had in common with you."

"Once maybe, now he may as well be a monk when he's away from you."

She chuckled. "You sound so disappointed."

"Well, part of the fun factor has kind of disappeared from our boy's club, thanks to you, missy." He winked playfully.

"You could always settle down yourself - make some nice girl like Abby happy."

"Abby, a nice girl? Damn, the definition must've changed when I wasn't looking."

She swatted him on the shoulder. "You _know_ what I mean."

"Nuh unh...Robert Drake ain't marriage material, thanks."

"Oh, you'll come around one day, wait and see. You just haven't met the right girl."

"Nope. I'm a happily confirmed bachelor, sweets. Besides, how can I meet the right girl when she's married to my best friend?" He grinned rakishly.

"You're impossible!"

"Nah, just incorrigible, at least according to my therapist. She's pretty hot, too."

"Ugh!"

Linda's giggles tapered off into a strained silence. Finally, she said quietly, "Bobby, I'm worried about Kurt."

"He's a big boy, he can take care of himself."

"I know that. I mean, I know he's been doing this sort of thing for years and all. It's just..."

"You're his wife so it's your job to worry? Make sure he doesn't mix plaid and stripes, wears clean socks and doesn't get the shit kicked out of him by some bad guy in spandex?" He teased her, smiling.

Her smile was half-hearted. "I guess." She shook her head. "No, it isn't that. It's that it sometimes feels like...like I don't really know him." Linda finished softly.

"What are you talking about? You guys are the most sickeningly in-love two people I know."

"Of course I know he loves me, and I love him - but it feels...God, I don't know. It feels like he's keeping something from me, like there's something he doesn't want me to know." She pinned him with her gaze. "Where were you both this week, really?"

Bobby shifted uncomfortably, glancing over to where his friend was sitting. "Kurt told you, we were on moose duty. C'mon Lin, don't be silly. The X-Men are on the news all he time...what could he possibly hide from you? I mean it ain't like the guy could be mistaken for anybody else, walking down the street." He tweaked her nose.

She smiled, but looked unconvinced. "I suppose you're right. I'm probably acting like a typical wife."

"Yeah. That's okay, you're entitled to." Bobby grinned.

Her eyes flickered to where Kurt was. "I just wish he'd talk to me. You know, about _real_ things. Things like what really happens on all these missions. Things like his mother and the fact that she's barely spoken to him since he told her we were getting married."

"You _don't_ want him to talk about Raven, trust me. Nobody talks to him about that woman."

"Why? I don't understand. It was obvious how hurt he was when she didn't come to the wedding. Why would she do that to her own son?"

"Because she's a self-serving bitch?"

"Bobby!"

"It's true. The farther she stays away from him, the better off he is."

"She's his mother."

"That's just biology, sweets."

"I've only met her once, and that was strained, but she wasn't awful or anything. She's really that bad?"

"'Fraid so." Bobby chuckled and ham-handedly changed the subject. "The elf is gonna get jealous for real if we don't go sit back down."

They both knew better, but she let it slide and they returned to the table, all smiles.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Chapter Three**_

Several months later found Kurt at the base in Westchester. The team had just returned from an overseas assignment to deal with some upstart Apocalypse sympathizers in London. Over the course of the mission, they'd discovered some troubling news. It seemed that recently, a group called the Black Legion had been formed, and were performing organized strikes around the globe. Uncertain yet who these individuals were, or more importantly, who was employing them, Erik had the X-Men on high alert. There would be no going home for Kurt at the moment. He had to settle for telephone calls.

"How long do you think it'll be? I haven't seen you in weeks already." Linda asked, disappointment evident in her voice.

"I don't have any vay of knowing, _Schatz_. Ve're doing all ve can to determine the level of threat these people pose."

"You sound like a news reporter." She commented dryly.

He chuckled. "I'm sorry, I suppose I do. I've been doing some PR by telephone since ve returned."

"You guys really don't have any idea who they are?"

"_Nein_. Erik is sending two teams out to investigate the scenes, perhaps ve'll know after that."

"You'll be careful, right?"

"Of course, I alvays am."

Kurt wasn't in the best of moods by the time he hung up the phone. His days of craving constant adventure and action were quickly passing. All he wanted to do right now was go home, eat some of his wife's terrible cooking and relax.

"Why the long face, misfit?" Victor joined him as he was passing through the downstairs common area.

Kurt cut his eyes over, not stopping.

"Lemme guess, yer missin' the sweet little woman?" Victor chuckled, the sound low and growling. He put a huge, clawed hand on Kurt's shoulder. "Don't worry, kid, you'll be back gettin' some TLC in no time."

Kurt shrugged the hand off. Victor knew how he hated to be touched. That right was reserved for a select few of Kurt's choosing. "I'm glad you're confident. It seems to me ve may be off on this vild goose chase for veeks to come."

"Nah, we'll sniff 'em out and get rid of 'em, same as the Hellions and Sinister Six."

"You don't know that. Ve may be dealing vith something altogether different this time."

"You always did worry too much, just like your mama."

Kurt let a cloud of brimstone answer for him.

The telephone ringing at three that morning didn't improve his frame of mind.

Muttering, he looked at the cell phone's screen and saw an unknown number. He clicked 'no' on accept call, and tried to return to sleep. The thing went off again almost immediately.

Snarling, Kurt answered, "Do you know vhat time it is, you imbecile?"

"That's a helluva way to greet your mother." Mystique's low, slightly rough voice came over the line.

"Mom?"

"The one and only. How have you been?"

"I...fine, I guess. Vhat...Vhere are you?" Kurt tried to wrap his sleep-befuddled mind around speaking coherently.

"At the moment? Quebec."

Kurt rubbed at the grit in his eyes. "Is something vrong? It's 3 am."

"You don't want to talk? That's fine, I'll let you go." She answered pertly.

"_Nein_. NO! Don't hang up. I vas just vondering."

She sounded like she was smiling when she replied, "If you're sure you wouldn't rather sleep."

"No, I'm awake now." He lied.

"Liar." Raven chuckled. "You don't wake up until you've had at least two cups of coffee and your morning constitutional."

"Not that I'm not overjoyed to hear from you, but is there a particular reason you decided to call? I haven't heard from you in almost a year."

"Can't a mother just want to talk to her son?"

"Most mothers, yes, but you're hardly like most mothers, are you?"

"I certainly hope not! You still haven't forgiven me for not coming to your wedding, have you?" Raven didn't sound the least bit apologetic.

"It vas my _vedding_, mother. You might've at least made an appearance."

Her tone was flat when she answered. "I wasn't about to watch you make the biggest mistake of your life."

"Mistake? You don't even _know_ her! She's the best thing that ever happened to me!"

"I know, I know, she's an angel in disguise, she can do no wrong, she worships the ground you walk on and her shit doesn't stink, either, does it?"

"Dammit, vhat do you have against Linda?"

"Her in particular? Nothing, like you said, I don't know her. But she's a human. Do you know what humans have done to mutants over the years? Do you really want to take the chance that you'll have human children?"

"Unlike you, I don't live my life by the code of bigotry. Though I've experienced it vell enough," Kurt growled out between clenched teeth. "Vhat the hell did you call me for?"

"Contrary to what you may be thinking, not to argue. I wanted to see you." Her voice had taken on a softer tone. "You _are_ still my son, and I miss you."

He sighed, defeated thoroughly by her admission. "I've missed you, too."

"Do you think you might be able to spare a day or so, for your old mother?"

"_Ja_, I'll see vhat I can do." The thought of refusing her never occurred to him.

"Good. You can reach me at this number, and I'll be here for the next week, if all goes according to plan."

"All right. I'll see you soon, then. You _vill_ be there vhen I arrive, right?" Kurt thought back to the last time he'd tried to see her, traveling halfway around the world to find her already gone.

"Of course."

He was left in turmoil when he hung up the phone. His mother always left him feeling this way. Kurt lay back down, his hands behind his head. His memory drifted back to his boyhood, lived out in an isolated farmhouse in Germany, only his tutor's grand-daughter for a friend. His mother left his mind and heart in knots back then, as well.

"Why do you let her get to you that way?" Sydney sat down cross-legged next to him on the hillside overlooking the back of their house.

"Vhat do you mean?" he muttered. After his mother's abrupt departure that morning following an argument, Kurt wasn't especially in the mood to talk, and moodily plucked up rocks and threw them at a stone wall. He'd been alone and brooding all morning, until Sydney had wandered over.

"Stir you up like this. You're all glad to see her when she first gets here, but it always ends up being this way by the time she leaves."

"You don't know vhat it's like."

"Hello, I live here too. I'm not blind." She looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

"I mean you don't understand vhat it feels like to...to be her son." He finished in a low growl.

"Not if you don't tell me, I don't. All I know is what I see."

"Und vhat is that?"

She looked thoughtfully at him. "That you're not yourself when she's here. That you do everything you can to try and impress her, and get her approval. You even try to act like her - all tough and like you don't care. And then you get upset when none of it does any good, because she's still going to find something to get on your case about, like this morning."

Kurt stared savagely at his bare feet, his elbows propped on his knees. Her words were painfully accurate, and the muscle in his jaw twitched.

Sydney sighed and nudged him with her shoulder. "I'm sorry. You're right, I don't know what it feels like to be her kid. I'm just part of the hired help. But, you _know_ she loves you. She's just ...I don't know...she's got a funny way of showing it sometimes."

_"Ja."_

"The thing is, you shouldn't beat yourself up about something that's her problem. You gotta be the real you. You can't keep trying to be somebody you're not, just for her."

He nodded, propping his chin on his arms. "_Ja_," he said again, sadly.

"C'mon, you're great. She knows that too, she probably just had PMS or something." Sydney grabbed his hand, pulling him off balance.

"It's hot, let's go for a swim in the pond. Race you!"

The memory faded. Kurt stared at the ceiling of his bedroom. After all these years, he was still waiting on his mother to be impressed.

* * *

The hotel bar in Quebec City was fairly busy, given it was mid-afternoon. Ted Nugent sang about _Cat Scratch Fever _over the speakers, and the dimly lit room smelled of remembered cigarettes and stale beer. Kurt's feet scuffed the garish crimson and gold carpet as he walked in, scanning the crowd for any sign of his mother. He got more than a few looks, given both his appearance and the notoriety of the X-Men. His mother, on the other hand, could look like anyone she chose. He sighed, impatience creeping into his expression. If she'd stood him up again...

Just then, an immaculately dressed man rushed up, embracing him enthusiastically. "I can't believe you're really here!"

Vaguely embarrassed, Kurt returned the hug. "Very funny. That's quite an interesting look you've chosen."

"Do you like it, really? The blazer came from Tozzi's, in Montreal."

"Love it." Kurt deadpanned.

"I can give you the address, if you want it."

"I'll pass for now, but _danke_." Kurt smiled. "Not that I don't appreciate the atmosphere here, but do you think it vould be possible to go somewhere more private?"

"Private? Oh! Oh, of course we can!" Draping his arm across Kurt's shoulders, he steered them towards the door. "You know, you're so much more handsome in person than on the television - such a dashing devil."

Kurt chuckled. "_Ach_, this performance is vorthy of an Oscar, mom. But really, it's good to see you,too."

"Mom? Well, that's the first time I've been called _that, _but whatever you like..."

"Can it, vould you? I'm tired, it's been a long veek." Kurt replied peevishly.

With uncertain eyes, the man answered, "But my name's Steve Calhoun..."

Eyes narrowing, Kurt stopped walking. "Vhat?"

The fellow took a step back, removing his arm. "I said my name is Steve Calhoun, I'm a _huge_ fan of yours, though. I just wanted to ask for an autograph, but you said you wanted to go some place more private..."

The muscle in Kurt's jaw twitched. He heard a rich, low chuckle from behind him - he'd know that laugh anywhere. He turned to look at his mother, housed in the form of a young blonde woman in a business suit. The star-struck Mr. Calhoun took the opportunity to make a fast exit.

Kurt crossed his arms. "You might've said something sooner."

"And spoil such a charming moment? I wouldn't dream of it."

"_Ach, _you are a twisted voman." He smiled, grabbing her in a hug.

"But I'm never dull." She stepped back from him, still gripping his arms. "Look at you. You've finally started to put on a little weight." She leaned over and brushed his check with a kiss. "I'm glad you could make it."

"Considering how long it's been since I've seen you, I vasn't going to pass up the invitation."

She smiled, linking her arm with his. "Come on, I've got a suite on the top floor. It's far better than this little pigsty, and we have some catching up to do."

Several hours and two expensive bottles of champagne later, and they'd just about covered everything that'd happened during their time apart.

"I can't believe you vere villingly in the company of Sebastion Shaw, even for so short a time. Didn't you swear to gut him the next time your paths crossed?" Kurt was draped over the plush sofa, his head resting on the arm, and his feet up on the backrest.

Raven was curled in an armchair across from him, still sipping her drink. "Well I did gut him, in a manner of speaking." She grinned. "I gutted his Austrian holdings completely."

Kurt shook his head. "You're a piece of vork, mom."

She smirked. "You know, before I left him so suddenly, he offered me a position as the Black Queen of the Hellfire Club."

"The Hellfire Club? Since vhen are they back in operation?"

"I don't think they ever went _out _of operation, just underground." She stood and walked across the room to her suitcase with an unconscious feline grace. She slid a manila folder from inside it and handed the folder to Kurt. "Here, give this to Erik, from me."

A tiny knife, well-worn from use, twisted in the region of Kurt's chest. He _knew_ she'd had ulterior motives for calling him like that. He glanced at the contents of the folder. In it were manifesto documents, expenditure lists and payroll information for the London branch of the Hellfire Club. "I didn't think you vorked for Erik any longer."

"I don't, but he's still an old friend. We scratch each other's back from time to time, just don't tell Rogue." Raven stood looking down at him, an expression of vague amusement on her face. "Stop pouting, that wasn't the only reason I called you, you know."

"Really?" he answered flatly, unconvinced.

"Really." She brushed her fingers through the curls on his temple that had just started showing the first strands of grey.

"So vhere vill you be heading next?"

"Oh, I don't know, wherever the wind takes me, I suppose. Ordinarily, I might come to visit you for awhile, but given the circumstances, I don't think that's the best idea." She refilled her glass, lips curled into a sarcastic smile.

"_Ach, _here it comes," Kurt muttered.

Raven arched a delicate brow. "Now son, don't you think we should finally talk about this?"

"I think you've made your opinion absolutely clear already, _nicht wahr?"_

"I just want what's best for you." She looked at him intently, all the lightness gone from her expression.

"I _have_ vhat's best for me."

"Will you do me the favor of at least hearing me out?" Raven's voice took on an edge of annoyance.

"_Ja_, fine. Talk. But you aren't going to change my mind."

She sighed. "I just want you to ask yourself if this is really what you want. What kind of a life do you have with that woman? What do you even have in common with her?" She leveled a finger in his face. "What would she do if she had to deal with what you do, day after day? Would she stand up and fight _with_ you or would she hide behind you, crying for you to save her?"

Raven paced around the room, tossing her fiery hair back over her shoulders. "I just want my son to have a real partner, not some little glass idol on a mantle piece, forever in danger of getting broken. Is that really so hard to understand for you?" She threw her hands in the air in frustration. "Why couldn't you have married Emma*?"

Kurt had to interrupt at this point. "You hated Emma, just like you've hated every voman I vas ever involved vith."

"I liked Emma," she returned petulantly.

"You certainly did not! You threatened to give her a mastectomy vith a spoon!"

Raven chuckled. "Okay, so 'like' might be too strong of a word. I _respected_ her, and her abilities."

He shook his head, muttering under his breath.

"What? The two of you were great together."

"Ve fought constantly."

"She kept you on your toes. She helped you lead X-Calibre." Raven eyed him, hands on her hips.

"She gave me migraines and slept vith my friends."

"So you go find some mealy-mouthed flatscan who doesn't question a word you tell her, believes everything she's seen about you on TV and thinks you're some kind of knight in shining armor?" His mother looked at him with undisguised disgust.

Kurt sat up, shouting, "Vhy do you find it so hard to believe someone vould think vell of me?!"

She shouted back, "I don't you stubborn, surly brat! I just want you to find someone who loves you for who you are not for some bloody fairy tale image she's got in her head!" She threw up her hands in exasperation, snarling, "_how_ did I end up with such a blind son?"

"How the hell do you know she doesn't love me for who I am?"

"Because I know _you_, and ever since you were a little boy, you've wanted to be some kind of hero that everyone would look up to. I know damn good and well you haven't told her anything about the nastier side of your life - that special secret work you do for Erik. You know, the same work I did myself for so many years."

He looked at her accusingly. "Just like you never told me?"

"Exactly, and probably for the same reasons." She crossed her arms, gazing into his face. Her expression was a mask.

Kurt pinched the bridge of his nose and looked away.

"Look, Kurt, I was _wrong_ to keep it from you, okay? I admit it. You had a right to know the kind of person your mother was. You had a right to judge for yourself if I was worth loving or not. You still do," she finished softly, turning away to stare out the window over the skyline.

He got up, moving to stand behind her. "I never thought badly of you, mom. I know that you did what you had to."

She nodded, sighing, but still not looking at him. "I just don't want you to make the same mistake I did." She turned then, taking his hands in hers. Yellow eyes caught and held red ones. "If you're determined to spend your life with this woman, then at least be honest with her. _Tell _her who you really are. If she loves you as much as you say she does, it won't matter that you have to get your hands dirty sometimes."

"_You're_ telling _me_ to be honest? This must be a first." He embraced her, resting his chin on her shoulder. He inhaled deeply. Lavender and gun powder - that was the smell of his mother. "I vill. You're right, she deserves to know who she's married to."

Kurt stayed for another day before having to take his leave. Their farewells weren't tearful, they never were. The emotion his mother had evinced the night he arrived was as much as he'd ever seen her show in his lifetime.

"You'll look after yourself, right?" Raven smoothed down his unruly hair, smiling. They were standing on the street corner, outside the hotel.

"_Ja_. Und vill you?"

"I always do."

"I'm glad ve had a chance to talk."

"So am I. Thanks for taking the time to come up here."

"Perhaps you might come for a visit sometime? Linda und I vould love to have you." He gave her a half-smile, hopeful.

"Don't push it." She looked at him with an arched eyebrow. "Just because I accept the fact that you're fool enough to stay married to her doesn't mean I want to be in the same house."

He shrugged. "Had to at least extend the invitation. It's alvays open."

"I'll see you around."

"Alvays vhen I least expect it, _ja_?"

"Always." Raven winked and sauntered off, disappearing into the noon-day crowd.

He watched until she was out of sight. Whenever they said goodbye, he never knew if it would be for the last time.

Kurt had a stop to make in Seattle before returning to the base. Another hit had been made with all the earmarks of this new Black Legion, and Erik had asked him to look into it further. Grimly, he shouldered his overnight bag and made his way to the airport.

* * *

*Emma Steed, Damask from X-Calibre #1-4


	4. Chapter 4

_**Chapter Four**_

Linda sat behind the desk in the posh reception area of _Wilkes, Frost and Browning, attorneys-at-law_. Mechanically, she answered calls, made appointments and directed clientele towards the waiting area. Her mind wasn't on her job, it was on her husband. The ache of his absence was like a sore tooth. Along with it came the growing uncertainty she'd been feeling. What was she missing? It was something, she knew, regardless of Bobby's assurances. Kurt was finally due home tomorrow; whatever else happened, Linda was going to talk to him and get some answers.

"Hey, want to get together for drinks at your place after work?" Abby, who worked as a legal aide at the firm, wandered up to the front desk.

"Sure, I guess." Linda was accustomed to her friend inviting herself over.

Abby leaned in close and lowered her voice to a conspiratorial whisper, gripping Linda's arm excitedly. "Good, I need to talk to you about something. Seven o'clock okay?"

Linda nodded and barely glanced up as the other woman walked away. She wondered, with little real interest, what it could possibly be this time. Abby was known for courting drama, especially of the romantic variety. The last time she'd had 'something important' to talk about, Linda found out all the gory details of a leading attorney's marital infidelity. She sighed. It would likely be a long night.

At 7:20 that evening, the doorbell rang.

Breezing into the apartment in a cloud of floral perfume, Abby immediately launched into her subject matter. "Girl, just wait 'til I show you! This is amazing, and you were the first one I thought of. Do you have an old VHS player somewhere?"

Linda stared, caught off-guard with the unexpected question. "Uh...I think I do. Let me look in the closet."

Rummaging around the bedroom walk-in, she found what she was looking for. She walked back with the dusty, electronic relic. "Here."

"Perfect!" Abby wasted no time hooking it up, continuing to prattle on as she did. "So anyway, I was working on the Moonstar case, you know that one that's going to trial in May? Yeah, well, Wilkes had me going through tapes sent in for evidence, and I accidentally found this one mixed up with them."

Grainy, black and white footage came on the television. The date in the lower right corner was from a few months before.

Abby continued, "it's labeled as Club Six security, back door, from some place in Rio de Janeiro. Look at this." She pointed to a dark figure on the screen.

Linda leaned up, squinting. "That's Kurt!" She watched the grisly scene unfold with growing horror. She saw a flicker of her husband's characteristic devil-may-care smile flash across his face, and her gut wrenched. That was the same smile she'd fallen in love with, only he was wearing it now as he ended a man's life. She shivered, a chill playing down her spine.

Her family had referred to Kurt as a monster. They'd been horrified by her choice to marry him. Her father, especially, was convinced that someone who looked so demonic on the outside must be the same inside. Linda had defended her husband, and her choice, to them tooth and nail. How dare they make such an assumption? Kurt was a hero, in spite of how he'd been born. She'd believed that completely, until tonight. Now she wondered if her father had been right all along. Of all the things Kurt might've been hiding from her, this never crossed her mind.

Oblivious to her friend's reaction, Abby went on, "and there's Bobby, too. See, there they are carrying off the bodies, and then it cuts off. Do you know who they were? Did Kurt tell you? I mean the way Bobby described their work, it sounded positively action-movie thrilling, but I had _no idea_."

Forcing a swallow down her dry throat, Linda whispered, "no, I don't know who they were. Were they...did it look like Kurt and Bobby were _laughing_ to you, Abby?"

Abby rewound the tape and played the segment again. "Probably. You know Bobby's forever cracking jokes about everything. God, he's hilarious! Trust him to find the humor in anything, right?" She smiled, then looked over at Linda, finally noticing that her friend's reaction wasn't what she'd expected. "Linda, honey? You okay?"

Linda sat, staring at the TV with a blank expression on her face. Through pale lips, she answered, "why wouldn't I be?"

Abby looked at her with new respect. "I don't know how you do it, being married to someone with a job like this. I mean, those guys must have been _really dangerous_, right? Some kind of vicious mutants maybe? I had no idea the X-Men were so...so harsh! They never show this stuff on TV. It must be exciting, hearing about all this!" she gushed. "You've been holding out on me! I think I'd worry myself into ulcers, though."

"I'm not sure exciting is the word I'd use." Linda answered in a soft monotone. Her heart was thudding painfully in her chest. _Who was this man she was married to? _She wondered_, was their whole life together built on a lie? _"Why was this sent to the firm? Do you know?"

Leaning back on the settee, Abby chewed her manicured thumbnail thoughtfully. "I did some poking around after I watched it. I couldn't find much, but I think the Polícia Federal in Brazil were trying to start something. I found some correspondences from them. Don't worry, though, it wouldn't stick. No one would dare try and prosecute the X-Men. I mean, they're international heroes for chrissake!"

Linda nodded, her face a mask. "Heroes, yes. Abby, would you mind too much if we called it a night? I'm not feeling real well. The sushi I had for supper is sitting like a rock."

"That's what you get for eating raw fish," Abby replied pertly. "Sure, no problem. I need to get this tape back before it's missed, anyway. I just thought you might want to see what your hubby did when he was away. Hearing about it is one thing, but I'll bet seeing it really knocks your socks off, huh?"

"That it does," Linda answered.

Linda lay awake long into the night, the scene she'd watched playing over and over in her mind. The next morning, she called in sick to work.

* * *

Kurt didn't dither over the prices of the roses. It was three times what they were worth, but he didn't care. His wife liked fresh flowers, and fresh flowers she would have. He clutched them tightly, more nervous today than he'd been the night he proposed. When he got home this time, he was going to talk to her - _really_ talk to her about what he did - for the first time. His mother was correct, Linda had a right to know. He didn't want there to be any more secrets between them. Surely she would understand? He did it to _protect_ her, and other innocents like her. These people he hunted down and disposed of - they deserved what they got. They'd murdered, raped and tortured in abandon during the war. If given the opportunity, they'd probably do so again. Death was too good for them. He teleported the few blocks home, his heart in his throat.

"_Schatzi? _I'm home!" Kurt looked around the empty living room. "Linda?" He spied her sitting on the back deck and slid the glass door open. "_Liebling_, did you hear me? I'm back." He smiled and proffered the flowers. "I found your favorites - yellow roses."

She glanced at them, saying softly, "they're beautiful, as always."

He looked at the delicate blooms then to his wife. Something was very wrong. Laying them down, he knelt before her, sliding his hands up to caress her waist. "I've missed you," he hesitantly offered.

Linda looked down at his upraised face, running her thumb gently over his jaw. The look on her face sent a jolt of apprehension down his spine. "We need to talk, Kurt."

"_Ja_, I already vanted to..." He stopped himself, the words he'd been rehearsing stuck in his throat. He looked at her uncertainly. "Vhat did _you_ vant to talk about?"

She dropped her hand, biting her lip. "Tell me about Rio."

"Rio?" He closed his eyes, his mind racing. "How do you...? Vhat do you vant to know?" He swallowed.

"How do I know, is that what you were about to ask? You'd be amazed how many surveillance cameras there are in the world, and where those little tapes might end up." Her voice was rising, taking on a harsh edge. "Now, how about you tell me what my _heroic_ husband was doing playing catch with a decapitated head, and laughing about it," she finished.

Kurt stood and backed a step away from her. He'd waited too long. "Ve veren't playing _catch_. I...I tossed it to Bobby to encase in ice. It vas easier to carry to the...it vas easier that vay."

"Carry to the dump? Is that where you put those men? Like they were garbage?"

"_Liebling_, you don't know vhat these men did! They vorked for Apocalypse during the var! They vere killers!" Kurt looked at her, desperately trying to reach beyond the hardness of her gaze.

"And you aren't?" She looked at him coldly. "What _are_ you?"

"I...you don't understand! Don't you get how dangerous these men vere? They vere monsters! They had to be eliminated, for everyone's safety!" He pleaded with her.

"_Eliminated? _They were _people_, Kurt, living, breathing people! The only monster I saw on that tape was _you!"_

The words felt like a slap, and he staggered back as if they were.

Kurt's temper rose to the surface, and he fought for control of it. _"Monster? _Voman, do you have any idea vhat I go through to make sure the innocents of the vorld are protected?! Do you have any _fucking idea _vhat the X-Men have survived und how many of my friends I've lost for you - for all of you humans? Und you call me a _monster?"_

She glared at him. "For all you humans? Do you _hear_ yourself?" She stood up, her hands clenched into fists. "How _dare_ you say this is something for me! I never asked you to go out and murder people! Who the hell are you? You aren't the man I married!" Her words ended in a shout.

Kurt advanced on her, crushing yellow petals under his feet as he did so. "Vho the fuck did you think I vas, Linda, some kind of flawless hero you could brag to your friends about? The 'monster' you tamed vith goodness?"

"What?" She looked at him in disbelief. "You egotistical little bastard! My father warned me! God help me, he warned me!"

"Oh your father_, ja,_ now_ there's_ a paragon of virtue!" He shot back sarcastically. "Just how much money did he have to pay to get those charges dropped, you know, the ones vhere he vas accused of impregnating a fifteen year old girl?"

"Shut your damn mouth about my father!"

"You brought him up, sveetheart!" Kurt snarled at her nastily, his tail lashing.

"Hey, you bozos keep it down out there!" Someone from the apartment above yelled.

Enraged, Kurt teleported up, catching hold of a storm drain and snatching the terrified man halfway out of the open window."How about you mind your own goddamn business!" He spat in the man's face before unceremoniously shoving him inside and dropping back down to Linda.

"Great, just _great_! I have to live here, dammit!" Tears of rage were pooling in Linda's eyes now.

"He should've minded his own business, _ja? _And don't you pull that teary bullshit on me now, it von't vork!" Kurt shoved his finger in her face. "You vant to know who I am, take a look!"

She chewed her lip, her eyes wide with horror. "Get out."

"Vhat?"

Taking a deep breath, she replied with deadly calm. "You heard me. Get the _hell_ out."

"Fine. Have it your vay. Enjoy the news footage of me, _Liebling_, that's vhat you fell in love vith, after all." He teleported away before he could see her collapse on her knees sobbing amidst scattered rose petals.

* * *

_Several days later_

Kurt sat in a dingy motel room in London, nursing a scotch. It was his third in an hour, and a comfortable numbness was beginning to spread through his limbs.

After leaving Linda's a few nights before, he'd walked around the capital city, heart-broken and wondering where to go. He couldn't bring himself to return to the base and the knowing looks from his friends. He'd gotten more than his share of teasing when he married. No one had been able to believe he would actually settle down, he just hadn't been the type. If he went back now, they'd only be proven right. Finally, trusting Erik to be discreet, he'd phoned and demanded a new assignment, preferably one that was time-consuming and out of the country. He'd been sent to London, to try and root out more information on the newly rediscovered Hellfire Club operations.

Kurt needed time away, to wrap his head around what had happened. All this time, he'd trusted in Linda's love, trusted it would always be there. He'd known she wouldn't be happy to find out the nature of the work he did for Erik, but deep down he believed he could make her understand the necessity of it.

Did she really see him as a monster? Her horrified gaze was burned into his memory. Surely she didn't.

He desperately wanted to call her and ask. He needed to know that she didn't truly believe that. And if she did...? Kurt couldn't bear the thought. He picked up the telephone and dialed her number down to the final digit before replacing the receiver back into the cradle. He just couldn't talk to her. Not yet. The hurt was too fresh.

The radio played softly in the background, mellow lyrics adding to his despondent mood.

_Yes I understand_

_That every life must end_

_As we sit alone_

_I know someday we must go_

_Oh I'm a lucky man_

_To count on both hands_

_The ones I love_

_Some folks just have one_

_Yeah others they got none_

_Stay with me_

_Let's just breathe ***_

While a part of him wanted nothing more than to apologize and beg forgiveness, seeking love and acceptance in her eyes once again, another part was still furious. A monster was he? Memories of savage villagers - human men from his youth, tickled at the corners of his mind. They'd called him 'devil' and tried to kill him just for the way he looked. They _had_ killed his best friend, for no other reason than she was with him. Yet_ he _was the monster?

What did Linda think he did with the bad guys everyone was so afraid of, play pinochle? Dammit all to hell! He took another deep swallow of scotch, the fire burning down his gullet nothing compared to the burning ache in his heart.

* * *

_The same time, roughly 3500 miles away. _

Linda sat on the sofa in her bathrobe, dry-eyed. She'd exhausted her tears for the moment. She resisted the urge to pick up the phone and call him, just to hear his voice. What had she done? What the hell had she done? How could she have let him leave like that, believing she thought he was a monster? The truth was, she didn't know _what_ she believed any longer. She'd always seen her husband as someone noble, willing to fight to the death to protect others. She'd been proud of who he was, and proud to be his wife.

She'd lived through the war. She knew the atrocities that had been committed. She knew that, while Apocalypse was dead, some of those who'd fought in his armies weren't. Linda knew all along that Kurt and the other X-Men spent a great deal of time and effort to track those renegades down, and bring them to justice. What she hadn't known is that not all of them were brought before the public eye. She should have. What did she expect, really? She wasn't sure, but what she _hadn't _expected was to be faced with the sight of her husband's savage brutality.

She swallowed, her chest aching. Why had it come down to this? She wished with all her heart that Abby had never found that tape. After all these months wondering what Kurt was keeping from her, all she wanted to do now was forget.

She looked up at their wedding photo, hanging on the wall. He smiled so openly in the picture, his arm around her. It was the same smile she'd seen on that damnable tape. Had the killings been going on then, too? The week they returned from their honeymoon, he'd told her he had a 'little assignment' and left, promising to return quickly. Had he gone off to hunt some poor soul down then returned home later with flowers for his new bride? Linda shuddered. How could the man who'd always been so gentle with her be the same ruthless killer she'd seen on the tape?

Her thoughts were interrupted by strange sounds. It seemed to be slow drum beats, somewhere down the apartment complex's main hall. They vibrated the walls and floor, resonating around the room. She cocked her head to the side, trying to determine what it might be. Whatever it was, it was getting louder.

With the suddenness of a thunderclap, her front door exploded inwards in a shower of splintered wood. Linda screamed and looked up to see the terrifying sight of a man, easily eight feet tall, shirtless and enormously obese.

The horrible man-thing leered at her, showing pointed brown teeth. "Honey, I'm home! Dinner ready yet?" He lunged for her, his speed unimaginable for someone his size. She dove off the couch, grazed by the ragged fingernails from his meaty hand. She shrieked, feeling them gash her skin, and ran for her life.

"My mama told me not ta play with my food, but sometimes I just can't help myself." He chuckled evilly, manipulating her into a corner with little effort. "I came to see yer old man, but yer gonna do just fine."

Linda was frozen in terror, the scream lodged in her throat. _Where was Kurt?!_ her mind gibbered in panic. She feinted to the left and tried to slip by the monster's other side when he turned to grab for her. He flung an arm out, slamming her into the mantle piece. Senseless, she slid down down it like something splashed there. The room was edged in darkness. She mentally put light bulbs on her weekly shopping list.

She lay on the ground, her mind telling her she should probably get up, she had a guest, but for some reason, her body refused to obey. She tried to remember how she'd gotten on the floor. Did she trip? Something wet ran from her ear, pooling underneath the side of her face. She followed her line of vision to the ornate crystal statue Kurt had given her for a Christmas present. It was shattered into a hundred pieces, by the looks of it. No glue was going to fix that. Distractedly, she mourned its loss and tried to recall what she'd been doing. Did this big fellow say he'd come for dinner? She was a terrible cook, everyone knew that.

* * *

***_Just Breathe_, Pearl Jam


	5. Chapter 5

_**Chapter Five**_

The call from Erik came at 9:51pm. Kurt had just returned to his hotel room, and was finishing the late dinner he'd ordered from room service. A re-run of _Friends_ was on TV, the inane laughter turned down low. He'd seen this episode half a dozen times already.

He answered the phone on the second ring.

"_Ja_, hallo?"

"Kurt, Erik here."

"_Guten Abend_, Erik. I'm afraid I have no updates for you, yet."

"That wasn't why I called. Didn't you get your messages from Robert?"

Kurt frowned, irritated. Bobby had left several messages for him to call, but Kurt hadn't been in the mood. He knew his friend meant well, but he really just didn't want to talk about what had happened with Linda. "_Ja_, I've been busy."

"I see. Well, I need you to return to the base tonight." Erik's voice sounded strained.

"Now?" Immediately on alert, Kurt asked, "Vhat's happened?"

There was a pause before Erik replied, "We'll talk when you're home. Get your things together, the jet will be there within the hour."

"Of course." As the connection dropped, Kurt's mind raced. What could it be this time? Had the X-Men not been through enough already?

Remy arrived not long afterwards. The normally chatty Cajun was uncommonly quiet on the return flight.

"So vhat's all this about?" Kurt asked yet again.

Again, Remy didn't give much of an answer. "Jus' hold ya horses, _qui? _Don' be askin' me. Dis here boy jus' de taxi service."

By the time they arrived, Kurt was torn between frustration and anxiety. When he walked into the common room and saw all the X-Men gathered with somber expressions, a knot of fear bloomed in his chest. He looked around at everyone.

Victor stood in the corner, his arms crossed and his expression grim and forbidding. Jean leaned against the wall. Her face, already ravaged by grief at her husband's death a year and a half before, was pale and etched with worry. Rahne cried softly, sitting on the sofa with Kyle's arm around her shoulders. Rogue stood next to Erik, her lips compressed into a thin line, but her eyes damp with emotion. Even the rambunctious little boy, Charles, was unusually subdued, playing quietly on the carpet. Kurt looked for Bobby, and saw him standing alone, staring at the floor, his face a mask of misery.

"Vhat new und exciting calamity have the X-Men been graced vith this time, meine Freunde? Has Apocalypse risen from the grave?" His attempt at levity fell flat.

Erik walked over, his face lined with sadness, and put his hand on Kurt's shoulder. "Kurt, there's no easy way to tell you this. Just know that we're all here for you. We're your family."

A low hum started in Kurt's brain as he slowly turned to look at his mentor.

"Robert received a telephone call from a woman named Abby yesterday. There's been an ...incident. Linda is dead. I'm so very sorry."

"Incident?" Kurt whispered. The humming in his ears grew in intensity. He was having trouble concentrating.

"Yes. She was attacked in her apartment and murdered. We've determined that the Blob is the one responsible, and I want you to know, we'll do everything we can to find him."

Kurt numbly shook off Erik's hand and walked towards Bobby. "Bobby?"

His friend looked at him with grief-stricken blue eyes. "Man, I'm so sorry. I...I tried to call you in London. Abby said she found her, after she missed work three days in a row. Abby's pretty messed up about it."

"Liar!" The word was ripped from Kurt's throat as he gripped the front of Bobby's shirt, slamming him into the wall once, then again. "You're a fucking liar!"

Bobby winced in pain and put his hands on Kurt's arms, but didn't attempt to extract himself. "I wish I was. Damn, you don't know how much I wish it wasn't true."

Victor had come up behind him, and tried to ease Kurt away. "C'mon kid. I know yer hurtin' but it ain't ice cube's fault."

Kurt released Bobby in a fury, and shoved Victor away. "Stay the hell avay from me! You're all lying! I'm going home now, to my vife!" He teleported away from them, hell bent on proving that this was just some horrific misunderstanding.

"Someone should go after him," Erik said in a soft voice. "He doesn't need to be alone for this."

* * *

Shaking and exhausted, Kurt finally made it to the apartment. That many jumps over that far of a distance had nearly done him in. He looked around, taking in the sight of familiar walls splashed and stained. His knees buckled, dropping him to the floor. The cloying, coppery smell of blood hung in the air. "_Nein_..." he whispered. His gut heaved, and he retched violently, choking. A misty red haze dropped over his vision for the second time in his life. He was as helpless now as he had been then. His grip on reality faltered, then slipped away entirely.

"NEIN!" he howled, the sound feral and inhuman, echoing around the room. He tore through the apartment frantically, ripping furniture apart and slamming pieces into the walls. "Not true! It's not true! Linda!" He shrieked wildly. "Linda!" He dug his fangs into his lips until his mouth poured blood.

It was his fault! If he'd only stayed, she'd still be alive! He was reduced to animalistic cries of pain in his anguish. Kurt tore at his hair and raked sharp nails down his skin, clawing at himself irrationally. Without thought, he tried to make himself hurt as badly on the outside as he did on the inside.

He felt strong arms encircle him from behind, keeping him from doing further damage to himself. He struggled to be free of that grip, too maddened to remember to teleport. He inarticulately snarled, saliva dripping from his chin. The arms were gentle, but uncompromising. After a long time, Kurt's thrashing started to wane, and sanity eased back from where it had been hiding.

He collapsed into those steely arms, thankful for Victor's presence. His eyes met Bobby's, sitting across from him wearing a look of sick devastation.

"Vhat have I done?" Kurt whispered. His breath came in harsh, sobbing gasps and tears streamed from his eyes. Victor held him now like a child, murmuring soothing, meaningless words. Slowly, inexorably, numbness crept over Kurt as the final remnants of his hope for the future breathed their last.

* * *

Two days later, at the funeral, Kurt was no less numb. He listened to the platitudes with hollow eyes, his face a wooden mask. He insisted on being a pallbearer, standing at the head of the too-light casket. He hadn't been there to carry and protect her when she needed him in life, he'd damn well be there in death.

They hadn't let him see her to say goodbye or to say he was sorry. He'd pleaded, but his friends had stood firm, going so far as to telepathically restrain him. It was better to remember her before, they said. Seeing her like this would do nothing to bring her back. The casket with her remains had been sealed, closing her off from him forever. Kurt's unstable mind chewed at that, worrying it like a dog with a bone.

He knew what Blob did to his victims. Linda had been partially eaten - consumed piece by piece, quite possibly while she still lived. How much was really in that casket? How much of her was left to bury? His soul twisted around that fact, blackening with rage and a thirst for revenge. He imagined he could hear her calling out to him, demanding retribution, unable to rest while her killer still walked the earth. If it was the last thing he ever did, Fred Dukes would pay for this. He would suffer, as Linda had suffered. His mind played that over and over, like a broken record. Dukes would pay.

Kurt couldn't even muster a reaction when he was accosted by Linda's father after the funeral.

"You son-of-a-bitch! This is your fault!" Al Dabrowski threw a wild punch that Kurt absently ducked away from.

Linda's brother, Mark, grabbed his father, trying to get him under control. "Dad! Dad, this isn't going to do any good!"

"That bastard let my baby girl die!" the older man sobbed. He pointed an accusing finger at his son-in-law. "Where the hell were you when this happened?"

Kurt looked at the man coldly. "Vhere you told me to be vhen ve first met - avay from your daughter." He walked away, not looking back.

* * *

Life continued with slow sureness. Each day was a chore to get through. At first, the others hovered near him, eager to help, but his stinging, cynical rebuffs soon drove them off. They backed away, leaving him to wallow in grief, all but Bobby. He refused to be deterred.

For the first weeks, Kurt slept with Linda's pillowcase, her smell still strong in the fabric. In his dreams, she lay beside him, breathing softly. In his dreams, he was still her hero. Every time he awoke, it was to discover once again that this nightmare was real.

He worked incessantly, driving himself to exhaustion and beyond, taking every unnecessary risk he could find. Blob was nowhere to be found, so Kurt had to content himself with other pursuits and bide his time. Those 'pursuits' never stood a chance in the face of his all-consuming rage.

He drank almost as much as he worked, and most evenings were spent sitting next to Bobby in the common room, some senseless film playing while his friend made jokes and tried to lift Kurt from the pit of despair he found himself in. Many was the night when Kurt had no memory of how he made it to his bed.

As the months passed, the acute agony of grief begin to fade as surely as her scent on the pillowcase. There were even times when Kurt went almost the whole day without thinking of his wife, but he was never the same man. He never would be.

It is said that 'time heals all wounds', but that isn't always true. Time did nothing to heal Kurt's wounds, it only replaced them with new ones.

Within the next year, little Charles had been taken hostage by the Black Legion, in an attempt to lure Magneto out into the open. By the time they were found, it was too late. The child had been tortured, gutted before his father's eyes. Erik's spirit had been crushed as surely as the Legion had crushed his spine.

After that, the X-Men went from a proactive team to a reactive one. Even with Jean leading them now, their sense of purpose had been lost. Charles Xavier's dream, carried for so long on the shoulders of Erik Lehnsherr, was finally dead.

Suspicions that a new Apocalypse had risen were confirmed, and Kurt looked on his world spiraling back into war with a detached apathy. He and Bobby watched the devastation unfold on the evening news one Friday in spring, two years after Linda's death. They drank beer and Bobby cracked jokes, but even his irreverent friend knew this was finally the end. The X-Men had no magic tricks left up their sleeve.

Death was everywhere. The sight and the smell colored their world. This new overlord started his dark reign by a grand culling, and no one was safe from it. Humans were eradicated, wiped out down to only a few thousand, pocketed in hideaways, hoping against hope that they'd be overlooked by the all-seeing eyes of Apocalypse.

Those who weren't with the new world ruler were against him, by default. The X-Men fell into the latter category and paid the price. All but a handful of Kurt's friends were lost in the slaughter. He would've been as well, if not for the intervention of Bobby.

What few of them remained slunk away to a hidden location. Atlantis, the mythic city of magic, became their final hold out.

Even as beaten as they were, the X-Men were not ones to give up completely. They continued to fight, covertly and ever mindful of how few they were. What else could they do? They waged guerilla warfare on the legions of Apocalypse. Kurt imagined it must be similar to being assailed by pesky gnats.

The X-Men's underwater sanctuary began to take on the dimensions of a prison. Deprivation and hardship was what they clung to in lieu of hope.

* * *

Kurt stood out on a balcony in Atlantis, seven years after he'd buried his wife. He watched the ever-moving sea beyond the dome that protected he and his remaining friends. It was a peaceful scene. It was difficult to believe that beyond it was a now unrecognizable world, stacked with rotting corpses and shattered lives. It was only a matter of time before they were found, Kurt knew.

He frequently made forays to the surface, gathering data, helping refugees when possible, scavenging for supplies. Apocalypse knew of their existance - of course he did. He was toying with them. They posed no threat to his army, and he knew it.

Kurt sighed and ran his hand back through his hair, now graying at the temples. How much longer did they have? Would the end really be so bad? He didn't think so. The only thing that kept him going was the need to protect his remaining family, and his determination to avenge Linda's death, as well as the deaths of the others. So many others. They couldn't rest until they had justice. Their ghosts whispered to him in the dark watches of the night.

He thought of sweet Rahne, the youngest of them. She'd been the shy little girl he'd rescued and brought into the fold of the X-Men years ago. She died under the foot of a sentinel, her life's blood soaked into the ground.

Kurt thought of his mother. Had she escaped? Was she still living, somewhere hidden away, as he was?

Jean still talked of them having a chance to beat this, to reclaim their world. To Kurt's mind, it was a fool's dream. She spoke as if there were hope. He'd long ago lost any hope for the future. Now it was only a question of how many of_ them _he could take with him before he died.


End file.
